Shopping List Compendium on CBBC

278 - Route Planner

I've often said how I would like to visit some of the shoppers whose lists I have in the Compendium. Sometimes I find their addresses on old envelopes, sometimes on business letterheads. But never before have I been given a map!

Yep, check it out: this is a map from SM1 2TR (St James Road, Sutton) to SW13 9JT, which according to www.streetmap.co.uk is St Paul's School in Hammersmith.

Now, this is interesting because a colleague has just got a new job teaching there...but it's unlikely that she was shopping at New Malden Tesco for a few random bits and bobs (presumably to make chilli con carne) which is where this list was found.

Still, at least if I ever want to visit her new place I know how to get there. If I'm starting from Sutton, that is.

277 - Fishy Father, Filthy Matricide

You don't find people referred to as "father" and "mother" very much these days. You find "father" and "mother" referred to even less on shopping lists, but that's not to say it never happens - as this list shows.

Something fishy is definitely going on here. The shopper is clearly the offspring of the "father" and "mother" mentioned here, but is buying quite shockingly different things for each of their parents.

"Fish dish for father" is fair enough. Dads like fish. But, "bleach etc washing liquid (mother)" is a bit scary. Could this be a very dirty mother who needs a bloody good clean, or is it the shopper's attempt to kill off the mother for the inheritance? After all, father gets food while mother gets bleach.

The shopper has planned this murder well (and it wouldn't be the first time a murder has been solved through the evidence of a shopping list). In addition to the bleach to poison mother, they have also got "Tissues", "loo paper" and "loo wipes" to ensure all mess is quickly and effectively cleared up along with the "Floor mop liquid". Once that's done, the "Dove hand wash" will rid the final remnants of any evidence down the drain. "White wine" to celebrate the dastardly deed, perhaps?

276 - This is a List

This is a list. Oh yes it is. And it's not just any old list, it's a THISISAKNIFE list.

I've just got back from Tesco with the nice chaps from Channel 4's weekly videocast, thisisaknife who featured the Compendium in January. Donal, Tim and I wandered around the trolleys searching out more lists while they recorded a nice little interview for this week's show.

This was the first list we found, and I promised to upload it to the web in case any thisisaknife viewers wanted to see the goodness :)

As for the list, there's a couple of things that stand out. One of them is the fact that "Bread" is written - not only in black pen rather than a pencil - but aso in different handwriting. The second exciting thing is that this is a shopper who either wishes to buy a straight caddy for tea, or maybe already has the caddy but wants some tea leaves for it. How very confusing! You can tell it's summer though - lots of "Salad" and things, although quite why "cucumber" needs to be listed separately is slightly inconsistent.

275 - Musical Fangs

Yet again, my deciphering skills have left a little to be desired. While I can make out the majority of this list, the odd word escapes me. Or, in the case of the seemingly "Musical Fangs", both words.

Most websites I've found on this topic refer to people sinking their "musical fangs" into stageshows, most of which seem kitschly camp like Rocky Horror.

But I don't think Tesco would take too kindly to me shopping in a basque and fishnets.

274 - Thai Chicken Headache

The BBC broadcast a cookery program called Ready, Steady, Cook. Anthony Worrall-Thompson crops up on it on occasion (not to be confused with Dr Anthony Worrall at the University of Reading), along with an assortment of other "celebrity chefs" who take it in turns to make a meal out of a bunch of supposedly-random ingredients.

This shopper clearly watches it, as the recipe listed on this A4 sheet is a perfect recreation of Brian Turner's Thai Chicken Soup. In fact, you can even see the frantic scribbling on this list, as the shopper copied down the ingredients during the program.

And "Aspirin" too.

It must be stressful making soup.

273 - Cripple Sauce

What an unfortunate time for a ballpoint pen to stop working! Just as you round off the eastern reaches of an A you hit an air pocket. And bumph. Instead of buying "Apple Sauce" you get funny looks as you wander the aisles trying to buy Cripple Sauce.

What would cripple sauce be? Part of me thinks it's some kind of super-hot chilli sauce like Dave's Insanity Sauce, or my personal favourite - Dragonfart's Wet N Reddy BBQ sauce.

That stuff could strip wallpaper.

I love it.

272 - Hi Mr. Foster

And "hi", straight back atcha. Oh, and you'll be paid next week, if that's okay? Thankyou!

Mr Foster is a kind-hearted gentleman. I doubt this is the first time he has gone shopping for bulky goods on behalf of the list-writer, as in order to complete the shop he needs an intricate knowledge of list abbreviation. "K. Roll" and "Mr. Muscle B. Cleaner" are, one would have thought, easy enough to decipher, but in the curious world of the list this is not always the case.

The interesting ditto marks under "Cat" are also worthy of a mention. An ellipsis (three dots) is usually used in speech to indicate a pause or an intentional omission in text; indeed, the word itself comes form the Greek for 'omission'. So why shop for "...litter" or "...bowls". It can mean only one thing. The list-writer meant to use ".

271 - Fruit to Dairy

Simple, really. It all starts with fruit ("Bananas" and "Lemon juice") and finishes with dairy - "Milk" and "Yoghurts".

Alice likes this list. She reckons you could make something with the "lemon juice", "flour" and "eggs". In fact, they do. Add these together with the "milk" and you've got instant pancakes.

Well, not quite instant, but pancakes nevertheless.

Mmmm, pancakes.

Pancakes.

Mmmm.

270 - Olives to Scale

"Plain flour" and "Yeast". I thought I was onto it. Really, I did. I thought it was some kind of pie. Especially as "Scale" features somewhere further down the list, perhaps a single weighing scale to measure out the ingredients for the aforementioned pie.

But perhaps not. Indeed, I've never come across a garlic and olive pie, and nor do I particularly want to.

Part of me thinks the secret to this list lies in the right-aligned item, but I can't decipher it. "2 pin frankfurther" perhaps? "2 pin lighter"?

I really haven't got a clue, but some anonymous commenters do. They've worked out that it's actually a "2 pin adapter". That certainly makes more sense than my own suggestions, but still doesn't help with the confusion around the pie. Oh well!

269 - Face It!

Those of you who have trawled through the rest of the Compendium will have found that there are certain things that I really like about some shopping lists.

I like people who cateogrise their shop. I like people who write people's names. And I really like people who leave very personal insights. This is one such list.

The listed items themselves are really by-the-by. It's the phone number and address that's the best. Now, normally I'd blank stuff like that out, but this is the phone number and address for a business. And not just any business, but a beautician. And not just any old beautician, but a beautician in North London, about 15 miles away from where I found the list!

A particularly interesting thing about 17 Highgate High Street is that it's got quite a history. Between 1854-5 it was the offices of Hornsey local council's highway board, and went through a number of changes (including being a kebab shop in the mid-1980s) before Face It! took the place over. And they seem to be doign a good job - one website says:

I recently tried this beauty salon in Highgate. The service and attention by the
therapist was first class.The booking system is very efficient and they sell a
huge range of goods which make great presents (not just beauty products). I
would recommend anyone to try them out.

Go on, book yourself a facial and tell them where you found out about them. I bet they don't believe you.

268 - £200 For All That?

£200 for all that? Well, perhaps not. The fact that "£200 out" is at the end of the list leads me to an interesting conclusion. Namely, that this is £200 to be withdrawn at the end of the shoppign trip, perhaps through the medium of Cash Back.

I like cashback. It's like the supermarket is paying you shopping with them. Until you look at your bank statement, of course. The big problem with the cashback theory, though, is that the order of the other items on the list is not logical.

To be fair, the shopper has at least grouped items in general categories, but I can assure you that this is Not The Order Of The Store I Found The List At. Therefore either this person is clearly insane (and wrote this list for another store and dropped it at the one I found it at), or my theory is wrong.

Oh well.

267 - Light Lunch and Fags

The most intriguing thing about this list is not its content. Oh no. In fact, it's not particularly interesting at all. Quite mundane, in fact. I mean, it just looks like a few snacks for a light lunch.

However, I think it's quite interesting that the shopper has made ingenious use of a discarded cigarette packet to write their list on. It's even better that they've crossed out "LENTILS".

Healthy stuff? Nah, I'll stick to my fags.

This Is A Knife

Blimey.

I've just discovered that the cult web-video-podcastish comedy thing featured the Compendium in one of their shows. Check it out at This Is A Knife (the Compendium was the opening item on Tuesday 24th January).

266 - A Delayed Christmas

I'm still scratching my head over how on earth this list was still in a trolley nearly a month and a half after Christmas. I guess there's two options.

One is that the list actually went undiscovered in a trolley for 6 weeks as a result of being stacked hundreds deep in the trolley park.

The second option is that the list is actually a new one, and the shopper is simply doing Christmas a tad bit late. Quite how they'd hope to get a large "christmas pudding", "mince pies" or "Christmas crackers" in February is beyond me though. Similarly why get gifts for "ACH + GTH (M&S clothes)" in February?

Perhaps ACH + GTH have been away for a few months and they're hoping to celebrate Christmas now they're back. Or maybe the shopper is living in some kind of weird dimension, a bit like the man who celebrates Christmas everyday.

265 - Tidel Wave

I can't help but spot the link between what appears to read "Tidel Rolls" and "Water" on this list. It's a shame, therefore, that I think the rolls are actually "Tiolet Rolls". Either way, they're clearly misspelt.

The juxtaposition of the vague "Tins of Dog Food" with the specific "Pedigree Chum" is also an item of note.

Why the list is divided into two columns - each written in a different colour of pen - is beyond me. Perhaps the colour indicates family/personal use?

264 - Capital Irregularity

The first list I found when getting back into collecting, rather than eating from, lists was this one.

It's rare to find a list written predominantly in capital letters, and this one almost holds the award for being The List Completely Written In Capital Letters, but sadly it fails about half-way down (before then regaining its stride).

Is there any signifiance of the lower case "Sweets" or "Comfort". Perhaps the significance is actually that these items are _not_ significant, whereas items in capital letters are. But in that case, what does the crossing out mean, if not that something is insignificant?

Clearly this list presents us with a serious cognitive challenge.

Back to Normality?

Well, it's been a funn few weeks with all the media attention on the Compendium, but it's looking like things are slowly drifting back to normal. I'm on a halft-erm break from where I teach now, but much of my time is being taken up with packing boxes - we're moving house.

However, I'm also hoping to get some lists on the Compendium as soon as possible. Watch this space...

Londonist

Local news is great, and there's one particularly good website to catch up on all the cool stuff that happens in London. It's called Londonist and today they published an interview with me, having already done a story on the Compendium in which I'm referred to as a "lovable loon". Cool, eh?

More Media!

This morning the Compendium was featured on BBC Radio London's Breakfast Show with Jono Coleman and JoAnne Good. Ben came round in the radio car (i.e. a big estate with an enormous aerial that rises through the roof) to chat about the collection and the experiment this morning, although the interview wasn't broadcast until later on in the show.

Unfortunately for me, this meant I actually ended up missing it because I was at work. Doh!


As well as this spot on the radio I've also seen last week's interview with Kelly Armstrong at the Wimbledon News crop up in a couple of other places. It's so far appeared in the freely distributed Mitcham and Morden Guardian, and the Wimbledon Guardian under slightly different guises. For some reason, The St. Albans Observer also featured the story...despite the fact I live on the other side of London!

It also appeared, in slightly edited form, on This Is Local London - a website dedicated to (obviously) local stories in the captial.