Thursday, June 30, 2005
Yes, I know I've probably interpreted this strange collection of items wrong, but I think it would be fun to think that they're all part of some kinky fun. After all, who has "foil", "squirty cream", "travel tissues" and "cat food" on the same list unless they're up to something? The frantic spacing also suggests them being in a rush, but then sensibility ensued as they added emergency milk and bread for a snack after having had their fun.
The list itself isn't very interesting. The reverse side, however, is. It makes me wonder why so many people in my collection write their lists on the back of printed promotional jotter pads. Are they offended by the advertising?
I've personally never heard of Seafare fish 'n' chips, but a couple of people have been in touch tell me about them. Firstly, Emily wrote on the forum that there's a Seafare chip shop near to where I work - and that their fish is _good_. Secondly, an anonymous emailer got in touch to say that they actually work in a Seafare chippy, and that they have a chain of stores around Surrey and Hampshire. 'That piece of paper you had was from a Seafare notepad that we were giving away to people that bought two fish and chips (if I remember right)'. Let's all go to Seafare! After all, they're purely and simply the best. Spread the word.
Posted by Scotty at 18:17
There's a few interesting quirks on this list. The first is the use of bullet points for each item: good call. The second is the weird margins for the first few items, but I'm going to put that to either standing on uneven ground or being drunk, for no other reason than I want to. The third is the most intriguing - the use of "o" at the start of certain items ("baked beans", which have also been crossed off, "oj", "small juice cartons" and "crisps"). I'd be tempted to say they identify 'junk food', but then we'd have to have a debate over whether orange juice deserved to be called junk food, and similarly why "diet coke" was not defined under that heading.
Dan has emailed with further contributiosn to the debate and his suggestions are excellent! 'the 'o's [may] mean "optional". Perhaps they mean "ontological", i.e. relating to existence. Perhaps the person is running a local amateur dramatic production of "Oliver" and these items are snacks for a rehearsal (peas for snacks? - seems unlikely though). Perhaps, "occidental", implying they are all from the west? Maybe it's a zero, meaning the person is reminding themselves not to buy said items because they are on a diet - which would explain the diet coke confusion. Maybe it means "occult" - a ritual purchase? Of course, it could mean "orgasmic", but your guess is as good as mine about how...' Indeed, Dan. Thanks for contributing your mastery of the letter "O" to the Compendium!
Hugh, meanwhile, is more interested in the item "o crips 4 + + 5". He questions whether this means 9 ontological crisps, or 'an option of 4 superior quality crisps as against 5 lower quality? (Think c++). Or is it an open statement - I must buy more the 4 packets of crisps, but however many I chose to buy, I most buy 5 extra. (4+)+5'. That's a mathmetician's brain for ya...
Posted by Scotty at 18:06
Deary me. I've found it - a list with some of the most interesting spellings in the world! Not only do we see "shoping", but we also find "chream", "carots", "spudd" and "cury". They, can however, spell "milk", "butter", "beetroot" and "lust". I'm not sure they meant "lust", though, as even as the curator of the Compendium I wouldn't calim to have "shopping lust". Indeed, it sounds like it might chafe. And what on earth is "quile"?!
Posted by Scotty at 17:58
I'm not at all sure what "morz" is, but I doubt we'll ever really get to the bottom of it. I was initially thinking it may be mozarella cheese, then thought it could be margerine. However, if you think about the combination of the other itmes it doesn't make sense. Then again, little of this makes sense. You can't make a meal out of chicken, ice cream and margerine (or mozzarella) and it's only a very strange person who gives these to someone as a birthday present along with their "BD card".
Update: this is now the only list which no longer resides in my catalogued collection, as it was been sent to DynoMac as his prize on an online radio competition and is thus a VERY special list. By the way, the link isn't to this DynoMac but rather to some yuppy real-estate investor. But I thought it'd be funny to link to it anyway.
Posted by Scotty at 17:50
I don't know where you can get these jotter sheets from, but I want one in racing green. Nothing particular exciting about this list other than the specific request for "Jersey New Pots" whereas they're quite happy just to get "bread" (what kind, damn you?!).
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
How can I tell? Simple. Anyone who needs "mould remover", "toilet bleach" and "anti bact(erial) spray" in one go lives in a swamp, or is moving to one. When you combine this idea with the general items of "onions" and "fish" it makes your stomach turn. Or at least it does mine.
Posted by Scotty at 18:39
The assorted salad items, mozzarella cheese and pizza bases point quite clearly at this shopper creating their own "custom" pizza. The presence of "cooked chook" lends it a distinctly Antipodean feel, but all this excitement is shattered by the vulgarity of "bog roll". I detest that term.
Posted by Scotty at 18:31
If you look carefully, you may notice that an "s" has been rubbed out from the end of "crisp". This producers a whole host of problems for a list collector. The one-item-per-line policy suggests that this shopper wishes to buy a single "crisp" (potato chip for our American friends), but that just strikes me as stupid. The only other option is that they want some "crisp tissues". My, how very specific!
Randomly stuck at the right hand side (I guess these should be classes as "Emergency Hero's") I'm guessing that this shopper needs a chocolate fix from Cadbury's Heroes. It's just a shame they've committed the heinous crime of incorrect apostrophe use. Still, at least they've added the distinctly Antipodean item of "cooked chook" to the list.
Posted by Scotty at 17:18
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
If you've been reading the Compendium closely, you'll have picked up that I like people who put titles on their lists. This one, though, beats all others so far. There's not much than can be said other than acknowledging that while Shelby has a range of bathroom goods, she doesn't have any soap. And don't try to say that "Body Wash" is soap, because it isn't. Soap isn't liquid.
Posted by Scotty at 21:28
Here's a nice one. A shopping list for a holiday to the Lake District, a beautiful area of the country. However, the shopper failed to complete their shop: "foil" is not crossed out on the list. Why did they not need the foil?
That is a question we must all meditate on.
Posted by Scotty at 21:25
I needed to have a good old think about this. At first I thought the shopper was writing a weird list: why write "shampoo/conditioner" and then an instruction to "leave in conditioner"? However, a bit of a google has revealed that you can buy such a thing as conditioner that you leave in your hair rather than wash it out. It strikes me as quite strange, though.
Posted by Scotty at 21:23
You've got to admit, that's quite specific. "1 Very Yellow Melon". I like that. There's other such specifics on the rest of the list ("1 Orginal Flora Margarine" stands out for some reason) but I'm probably a bigger fan of the fact the shopper has written the date on the top: 16 June. I didn't find the list until the 22nd. It shows just how often people clean out trolleys at Tesco, doesn't it?
Side 2 gets more interesting - it features the original draft of 1 Very Yellow Melon. All our favourites are there in one form or another, but there are a number of items that didn't make the final release. "1 Tesco ginger Biscuits" was lost to the cutting room floor, along with "6 grapefruit" which were lost in favour of a single "1 grapefruit" in the theatrical release. It's rare that you see a director's cut of a shopping list, and so this one should be treated with special reverance.
Posted by Scotty at 21:16
Cor, Jo IS demanding! Shampoo, conditioner, and something to do with a bin. Graeme has emailed to suggest it says "Bin - Jo's Shoes Heeeled". This strikes me as strange, though, as I wouldn't want any shoes from a bin. Either way, it's all for Jo here! Admittedly, the "mayonaisse" may not be. Nor, indeed, may the hair cut. Incidentally, can you buy hair cuts from Tesco? It brings a whole new meaning to the term "no frills".
Our demanding friend, Jo, is nowhere to be seen on the second side of this list. There's some cool stuff nevertheless. I like the item "Shandy + Baked Beans". I've never thought of combining the two myself.
Posted by Scotty at 21:07
I was hoping that list #100 would be greeted with fanfares and a big firework display. It might also have some astoundingly hilarious items, and be written on the back of a letter about aliens. However, the best I can get out of this mundane item is that, despite it being written on a post-it note, the idiot shopper didn't have the sticky bit at the top: it's on the left. I'm quite penickety about such things.
Posted by Scotty at 21:04
The temperature has recently been over 32'C, which is damned hot for the UK. I've noticed a direct correlation between the rising temperature and the number of people with drinks on their lists. Take this one for example: "Water". Short and simple. And hopefully he's got enough to provide his 2litres of water a day. Now, why do I say "his"? Simple: he lists "shampoo". Nice and general. And many thanks to Margaret for correcting my spelling and grammar in this comment - I have a shamed feeling of pot and kettle...
Posted by Scotty at 20:55
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
There's loads of great stuff on here. Firstly, I'm a fan because the list is organised. Secondly, the vegetable section features "Rabbit apples and greens" - our shopper has rabbits! Not only that, but the shopper has a daughter (presumably) called Jessica who has frizzy hair. At least I presume she does, otherwise why would she want "Frizz ease anti-frizz"?
Rabbit Apples was written on the back of an interesting religious card. I'm not convinced that Gabriel visited Mary "in the sixth month" though...wouldn't that suggest that Mary was already 3 months gone, or that Jesus was born 3 months early?
Posted by Scotty at 17:53
I can't see the point of this. Why buy beer and then separate cans of shandy? Wouldn't it be better to buy the beer and a bottle of lemonade so that you can mix your own shandy? Well, for some maybe: but not for this shopper. Then again, anybody who specified purple washing up liquid isn't quite all there anyway.
It's been 92 lists since somebody last wanted Marmite, and I deduced that shopper was an old man. This one I'm not so sure about. It may be a grandparent, going by the writing, but I'm just clutching at straws to be honest.
However, Steve has emailed with his own suggestions: perhaps this shopper is a female. His line of thought, quite well deduced it must be said, is that no man in their right mind would buy fabric softener (Comfort).
He precedes this with the suggestion that "Cranberry Juice" may indicate 'a good chance she has an unfortunate urinary tract infection'. Hey, I didn't say it: blame Steve.
Posted by Scotty at 17:44
Why is "Porn Dye" the only item that's not crossed off? Is it because such a thing doesn't exist? Indeed, if it did I'm not sure exactly what its purpose would be. Does it make pornography glow luminous green or something? Who knows.
There's some interesting things on the second side of Porn Dye if you can see through the scribbles. The shopper is buying a "Moving Card" for Chloe (presumably because Chloe has moved, not because Chloe wants a card that propels itself). "Photos" also feature. What...to develop, or do this shopper just want to buy other people's photos?
UPDATE: more people than I could possibly have imagined have emailed with the suggestion that the listed item is probably "porridge". This is a good suggestion - but I'm not entirely sure how this would help you to masturbate.
Posted by Scotty at 17:37
Argh! The illegibility of this crossed out item has got me really wound up. I'd guess it's some kind of cleaning agent, but as I don't actually know what either word say I can't be sure...at all.
Martin and Dan, though, emailed separately to say they've worked it out: "Wash Pwd." (washing powder) is their suggestion. Nick has also emailed, suggesting it says "Easter Pud". That strikes me as a little weird, though, as this list was found in the middle of June.
Also, what on earth is "Bis"? Sarah has emailed to suggest it's an abbreviation of "biscuits" or "Bisto".
Posted by Scotty at 17:34
I was intrigued by the writing after "Gram Flour". Initially, I didn't know what gram flour is, secondly I didn't have a clue what is written beside it. However, the trusty Compendium Cruisers have come to the rescue.
Ben first emailed to suggest that this is a Southern Indian script, but then Alex dropped me a line to say that it's Tamil from Sri Lanka. Tim and David have also sent emails to add that Gram Flour is made from Garbanzo beans (a.k.a. chick peas) and 'is used for making Bhajis, among other things' and that the script is the brand. Thanks everyone!
Posted by Scotty at 16:52
I rarely comment much on the relationship between the placement of shopping items on the lists, but this one really stands out. The phrase "rubbing salt in the wound?" springs to mind when I see "Pampers" listed next to "Fine Sea Salt". Yowch! Poor baby...
Posted by Scotty at 16:48
Is "Night Cream" some kind of moisturiser to put on before going to bed? I guess that might explain it. However, it doesn't explain the strange spacing between listed items. Perhaps it's some kind of code that reveals the true Holy Grail. Or maybe that's a bit too Dan Brown.
Martin, who has already lent his help with Meash Pwd again thinks he's worked it out. He says: 'It is spaced for a very good reason, a reason so simple its cunning is blinding. This is a regular everyday supermarket shopper you have here. Everything is written in the order the goods appear on a trip round most big supermarkets (this fitted pretty well to Tesco). The spacing is because the lister was someone who pictured their trip around the shop and jotted the list with plenty of room for additions.'
Good work, Martin!
Posted by Scotty at 16:21
Smoked Mackarel? I guess it could be. In his email Jon agrees with me. However, I don't like the sound of that with "yogurt", "milk" and "garlic", though. Or, alternatively, is it an instruction to smoke something (or someone) called Mac? The mystery deepens.
Posted by Scotty at 16:18
Here's another forgetful shopper. They decide they want burgers for dinner, so they write "Burger Relish" on the list. However, it isn't until they added a selection of vegetables and baked beans that they then remember the main component of their meal: "Burger".
Posted by Scotty at 16:12
Hurray! I now have my first French language shopping list: breakfast cereal, water, apple juice, butter, and something I can't read. However, into the breaach has stepped Dave: he suggest it may be "lessive linge", i.e. washing powder (for clothes). Thanks, Dave!
Posted by Scotty at 16:09
Hehe - this is a fun one. Lovingly prepared by a food technology teacher, this is a mass-photocopied sheet that has been handed out to students so they can buy their ingredients. The margin notes are location of each item in the supermarket - but the poor kid can't spell fridge. They prefer "frigh".
Posted by Scotty at 16:05
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Hmmm, evidently a southerner. They are called Yorkshire Puddings you daft shopper, not batter puds. Then again, this shopper uses such other strange terms (such as "C.Bin" and "M.Peas") that perhaps they do know the real name but are just another one to add to the weirdo pile.
Femke, however, has emailed to suggest to "C.Bin" should in fact read "C.Bis" indicating chocolate biscuits, and justifies this suggestion by pointing out that the 'person has a penchant for abbreviating the first words'.
Posted by Scotty at 14:25
Wow, that must be a particularly filthy toilet. Whoever thought of getting a shower for your water closet? This is the kind of list I really like: seemingly "normal" until you reach the end, at which point you realise you've landed yourself yet another one for the weirdo pile.
Posted by Scotty at 14:00
Here is proof of the all-round of expertise of supermarkets: not only can you buy a selection of salad items, you can also buy your lottery ticket! For anyone who sees this list as on omen of things to come, the numbers chosen are: 5, 6, 22, 28, 40, 49. It could be you.
Posted by Scotty at 13:56
Although I think this is more factoring in for a trip to the takeaway, I wonder if this shopper is hoping for an extension of the popular "Chicken Tonight" range of cook-in sauces? I'm disheartened by the feature of "Sandwich x 2 lots" on the list. It's lazy buying sandwiches from a supermarket.
Posted by Scotty at 13:53
Here's a shopper that likes to give clear instructions! From comments about the flavour of oranges ("NO SATSUMAS - They R'nt tasting That brill") to directions on chicken (* "CAN U KEEP THEM OUT 4 MONDAY OR TAKE OUT FREEZER MON AM" *) the writer of this list really rules the roost. Rock on!
Posted by Scotty at 13:50
Friday, June 17, 2005
Although this shopper's list is actually quite self-explanatory, I find the "alternative" messages it gives to be chucklesome. "Drifters" are, for example, purveyors of classic soul such as 'Under the Boardwalk', and "Jerseys" are things that rugby players wear. Neither can be bought from Tesco. It'd be cool if they could be, though.
Posted by Scotty at 22:50
Quite an interesting one, this: evidently shopper with tastes from diverse cultures. "Peri-peri" rubs shoulders with "chocolate" and "popadoms" are there alongside "patatoe wedges". I love that spelling. Patatoe. It's especially interesting, as Lesley emailed me to point out, that they were capable of spelling "potatoes" correctly earlier on in the list. A case of Sudden Spelling Incapability Syndrome, I think...
Posted by Scotty at 22:43
This is a weird old thing. Although I'm classing it as a shopping list, this is really a "to-do" list that just so happens to feature shopping at the bottom of it. But lucky old Teresa, eh?! She gets two lines dedicated to her, and will be receiving both a card AND a present! What a nice shopper. I'm not sure what they're going to do with "gravy hairspray" though.
Posted by Scotty at 22:34
There is the possibility that I'm wrong. Perhaps this shopper isn't classy at all. The presence of "burger cheese" proves that for a start. I am, however, giving the shopper the benefit of the doubt: they also bought salmon and wine. The wine may, of course, have been something atrocious like Ernst & Julio or Blue Nun, but I'm in the mood for being friendly.
Posted by Scotty at 22:30