Thursday, June 30, 2005

117 - Kinky

Yes, I know I've probably interpreted this strange collection of items wrong, but I think it would be fun to think that they're all part of some kinky fun. After all, who has "foil", "squirty cream", "travel tissues" and "cat food" on the same list unless they're up to something? The frantic spacing also suggests them being in a rush, but then sensibility ensued as they added emergency milk and bread for a snack after having had their fun.

116 - Back of the Chippy

The list itself isn't very interesting. The reverse side, however, is. It makes me wonder why so many people in my collection write their lists on the back of printed promotional jotter pads. Are they offended by the advertising?

I've personally never heard of Seafare fish 'n' chips, but a couple of people have been in touch tell me about them. Firstly, Emily wrote on the forum that there's a Seafare chip shop near to where I work - and that their fish is _good_. Secondly, an anonymous emailer got in touch to say that they actually work in a Seafare chippy, and that they have a chain of stores around Surrey and Hampshire. 'That piece of paper you had was from a Seafare notepad that we were giving away to people that bought two fish and chips (if I remember right)'. Let's all go to Seafare! After all, they're purely and simply the best. Spread the word.

115 - O, O, O!

There's a few interesting quirks on this list. The first is the use of bullet points for each item: good call. The second is the weird margins for the first few items, but I'm going to put that to either standing on uneven ground or being drunk, for no other reason than I want to. The third is the most intriguing - the use of "o" at the start of certain items ("baked beans", which have also been crossed off, "oj", "small juice cartons" and "crisps"). I'd be tempted to say they identify 'junk food', but then we'd have to have a debate over whether orange juice deserved to be called junk food, and similarly why "diet coke" was not defined under that heading.

Dan has emailed with further contributiosn to the debate and his suggestions are excellent! 'the 'o's [may] mean "optional". Perhaps they mean "ontological", i.e. relating to existence. Perhaps the person is running a local amateur dramatic production of "Oliver" and these items are snacks for a rehearsal (peas for snacks? - seems unlikely though). Perhaps, "occidental", implying they are all from the west? Maybe it's a zero, meaning the person is reminding themselves not to buy said items because they are on a diet - which would explain the diet coke confusion. Maybe it means "occult" - a ritual purchase? Of course, it could mean "orgasmic", but your guess is as good as mine about how...' Indeed, Dan. Thanks for contributing your mastery of the letter "O" to the Compendium!

Hugh, meanwhile, is more interested in the item "o crips 4 + + 5". He questions whether this means 9 ontological crisps, or 'an option of 4 superior quality crisps as against 5 lower quality? (Think c++). Or is it an open statement - I must buy more the 4 packets of crisps, but however many I chose to buy, I most buy 5 extra. (4+)+5'. That's a mathmetician's brain for ya...

114 - Shoping Lust

Deary me. I've found it - a list with some of the most interesting spellings in the world! Not only do we see "shoping", but we also find "chream", "carots", "spudd" and "cury". They, can however, spell "milk", "butter", "beetroot" and "lust". I'm not sure they meant "lust", though, as even as the curator of the Compendium I wouldn't calim to have "shopping lust". Indeed, it sounds like it might chafe. And what on earth is "quile"?!

113 - Dominic, Sonny, Harry, Ella and Alex

I really like finding the names of my shoppers. This list features practically an entire family! I'm not sure what kind of "footie shirt" our shopper is hoping to get for Harry from Tesco, though.

112 - Morz

I'm not at all sure what "morz" is, but I doubt we'll ever really get to the bottom of it. I was initially thinking it may be mozarella cheese, then thought it could be margerine. However, if you think about the combination of the other itmes it doesn't make sense. Then again, little of this makes sense. You can't make a meal out of chicken, ice cream and margerine (or mozzarella) and it's only a very strange person who gives these to someone as a birthday present along with their "BD card".

Update: this is now the only list which no longer resides in my catalogued collection, as it was been sent to DynoMac as his prize on an online radio competition and is thus a VERY special list. By the way, the link isn't to this DynoMac but rather to some yuppy real-estate investor. But I thought it'd be funny to link to it anyway.

111 - Colorit Vanilla

I don't know where you can get these jotter sheets from, but I want one in racing green. Nothing particular exciting about this list other than the specific request for "Jersey New Pots" whereas they're quite happy just to get "bread" (what kind, damn you?!).

110 - Tins

Tins of what? Too vague!

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

109 - Grotty House

How can I tell? Simple. Anyone who needs "mould remover", "toilet bleach" and "anti bact(erial) spray" in one go lives in a swamp, or is moving to one. When you combine this idea with the general items of "onions" and "fish" it makes your stomach turn. Or at least it does mine.

108 - Custom Pizza

The assorted salad items, mozzarella cheese and pizza bases point quite clearly at this shopper creating their own "custom" pizza. The presence of "cooked chook" lends it a distinctly Antipodean feel, but all this excitement is shattered by the vulgarity of "bog roll". I detest that term.

107 - Crisp Tissues

If you look carefully, you may notice that an "s" has been rubbed out from the end of "crisp". This producers a whole host of problems for a list collector. The one-item-per-line policy suggests that this shopper wishes to buy a single "crisp" (potato chip for our American friends), but that just strikes me as stupid. The only other option is that they want some "crisp tissues". My, how very specific!

106 - Hero's

Randomly stuck at the right hand side (I guess these should be classes as "Emergency Hero's") I'm guessing that this shopper needs a chocolate fix from Cadbury's Heroes. It's just a shame they've committed the heinous crime of incorrect apostrophe use. Still, at least they've added the distinctly Antipodean item of "cooked chook" to the list.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

105 - Shelbys Toilet List

If you've been reading the Compendium closely, you'll have picked up that I like people who put titles on their lists. This one, though, beats all others so far. There's not much than can be said other than acknowledging that while Shelby has a range of bathroom goods, she doesn't have any soap. And don't try to say that "Body Wash" is soap, because it isn't. Soap isn't liquid.

104 - Lake District

Here's a nice one. A shopping list for a holiday to the Lake District, a beautiful area of the country. However, the shopper failed to complete their shop: "foil" is not crossed out on the list. Why did they not need the foil?

That is a question we must all meditate on.

103 - Leave in Conditioner

I needed to have a good old think about this. At first I thought the shopper was writing a weird list: why write "shampoo/conditioner" and then an instruction to "leave in conditioner"? However, a bit of a google has revealed that you can buy such a thing as conditioner that you leave in your hair rather than wash it out. It strikes me as quite strange, though.

102 - 1 Very Yellow Melon

You've got to admit, that's quite specific. "1 Very Yellow Melon". I like that. There's other such specifics on the rest of the list ("1 Orginal Flora Margarine" stands out for some reason) but I'm probably a bigger fan of the fact the shopper has written the date on the top: 16 June. I didn't find the list until the 22nd. It shows just how often people clean out trolleys at Tesco, doesn't it?

Side 2 gets more interesting - it features the original draft of 1 Very Yellow Melon. All our favourites are there in one form or another, but there are a number of items that didn't make the final release. "1 Tesco ginger Biscuits" was lost to the cutting room floor, along with "6 grapefruit" which were lost in favour of a single "1 grapefruit" in the theatrical release. It's rare that you see a director's cut of a shopping list, and so this one should be treated with special reverance.

101 - Demanding Jo

Cor, Jo IS demanding! Shampoo, conditioner, and something to do with a bin. Graeme has emailed to suggest it says "Bin - Jo's Shoes Heeeled". This strikes me as strange, though, as I wouldn't want any shoes from a bin. Either way, it's all for Jo here! Admittedly, the "mayonaisse" may not be. Nor, indeed, may the hair cut. Incidentally, can you buy hair cuts from Tesco? It brings a whole new meaning to the term "no frills".

Our demanding friend, Jo, is nowhere to be seen on the second side of this list. There's some cool stuff nevertheless. I like the item "Shandy + Baked Beans". I've never thought of combining the two myself.

100 - The 100th List!

I was hoping that list #100 would be greeted with fanfares and a big firework display. It might also have some astoundingly hilarious items, and be written on the back of a letter about aliens. However, the best I can get out of this mundane item is that, despite it being written on a post-it note, the idiot shopper didn't have the sticky bit at the top: it's on the left. I'm quite penickety about such things.

099 - Friut and Choc Bistic

Wow - what an interesting list! At least they spelt "drinks" correctly...eventually. If you look under the bold "r" you can see it was originally written as "dwinks". There's something quite Disney about that.

098 - Water

The temperature has recently been over 32'C, which is damned hot for the UK. I've noticed a direct correlation between the rising temperature and the number of people with drinks on their lists. Take this one for example: "Water". Short and simple. And hopefully he's got enough to provide his 2litres of water a day. Now, why do I say "his"? Simple: he lists "shampoo". Nice and general. And many thanks to Margaret for correcting my spelling and grammar in this comment - I have a shamed feeling of pot and kettle...

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

097 - Organisation and Rabbit Apples

There's loads of great stuff on here. Firstly, I'm a fan because the list is organised. Secondly, the vegetable section features "Rabbit apples and greens" - our shopper has rabbits! Not only that, but the shopper has a daughter (presumably) called Jessica who has frizzy hair. At least I presume she does, otherwise why would she want "Frizz ease anti-frizz"?

Rabbit Apples was written on the back of an interesting religious card. I'm not convinced that Gabriel visited Mary "in the sixth month" though...wouldn't that suggest that Mary was already 3 months gone, or that Jesus was born 3 months early?

096 - Shandy and Lager

I can't see the point of this. Why buy beer and then separate cans of shandy? Wouldn't it be better to buy the beer and a bottle of lemonade so that you can mix your own shandy? Well, for some maybe: but not for this shopper. Then again, anybody who specified purple washing up liquid isn't quite all there anyway.

095 - Marmite Mark 2

It's been 92 lists since somebody last wanted Marmite, and I deduced that shopper was an old man. This one I'm not so sure about. It may be a grandparent, going by the writing, but I'm just clutching at straws to be honest.

However, Steve has emailed with his own suggestions: perhaps this shopper is a female. His line of thought, quite well deduced it must be said, is that no man in their right mind would buy fabric softener (Comfort).

He precedes this with the suggestion that "Cranberry Juice" may indicate 'a good chance she has an unfortunate urinary tract infection'. Hey, I didn't say it: blame Steve.

094 - Porn Dye

Why is "Porn Dye" the only item that's not crossed off? Is it because such a thing doesn't exist? Indeed, if it did I'm not sure exactly what its purpose would be. Does it make pornography glow luminous green or something? Who knows.

There's some interesting things on the second side of Porn Dye if you can see through the scribbles. The shopper is buying a "Moving Card" for Chloe (presumably because Chloe has moved, not because Chloe wants a card that propels itself). "Photos" also feature. develop, or do this shopper just want to buy other people's photos?

UPDATE: more people than I could possibly have imagined have emailed with the suggestion that the listed item is probably "porridge". This is a good suggestion - but I'm not entirely sure how this would help you to masturbate.

093 - Meash Pwd

Argh! The illegibility of this crossed out item has got me really wound up. I'd guess it's some kind of cleaning agent, but as I don't actually know what either word say I can't be all.

Martin and Dan, though, emailed separately to say they've worked it out: "Wash Pwd." (washing powder) is their suggestion. Nick has also emailed, suggesting it says "Easter Pud". That strikes me as a little weird, though, as this list was found in the middle of June.

Also, what on earth is "Bis"? Sarah has emailed to suggest it's an abbreviation of "biscuits" or "Bisto".

092 - Drinks Galore

Soft drinks for the kids, beer for dad...and possibly mum too. It's preparation for a barbecue, I reckon.

091 - Tamil Gram Flour

I was intrigued by the writing after "Gram Flour". Initially, I didn't know what gram flour is, secondly I didn't have a clue what is written beside it. However, the trusty Compendium Cruisers have come to the rescue.

Ben first emailed to suggest that this is a Southern Indian script, but then Alex dropped me a line to say that it's Tamil from Sri Lanka. Tim and David have also sent emails to add that Gram Flour is made from Garbanzo beans (a.k.a. chick peas) and 'is used for making Bhajis, among other things' and that the script is the brand. Thanks everyone!

090 - Pampers and Fine Sea Salt

I rarely comment much on the relationship between the placement of shopping items on the lists, but this one really stands out. The phrase "rubbing salt in the wound?" springs to mind when I see "Pampers" listed next to "Fine Sea Salt". Yowch! Poor baby...

089 - Rough Prices

Another active budgeter was out in force today, but only working out prices to the nearest 50p. Wll, the nearest 50p apart from milk which is apparently £1.11. The weather has been HOT recently, which perhaps explains the "Fan?"

088 - Night Cream

Is "Night Cream" some kind of moisturiser to put on before going to bed? I guess that might explain it. However, it doesn't explain the strange spacing between listed items. Perhaps it's some kind of code that reveals the true Holy Grail. Or maybe that's a bit too Dan Brown.

Martin, who has already lent his help with Meash Pwd again thinks he's worked it out. He says: 'It is spaced for a very good reason, a reason so simple its cunning is blinding. This is a regular everyday supermarket shopper you have here. Everything is written in the order the goods appear on a trip round most big supermarkets (this fitted pretty well to Tesco). The spacing is because the lister was someone who pictured their trip around the shop and jotted the list with plenty of room for additions.'

Good work, Martin!

087 - Smoke Mac

Smoked Mackarel? I guess it could be. In his email Jon agrees with me. However, I don't like the sound of that with "yogurt", "milk" and "garlic", though. Or, alternatively, is it an instruction to smoke something (or someone) called Mac? The mystery deepens.

086 - Junk Food

Ricicles + Quavers + Pizzas + Cheese Strings + Crisps + (Sugar x 2) = hyperactive child.

Will people never learn? In their defence, the shopper does at least have "Broccoli" on the list.

085 - Burger Relish. And Burgers.

Here's another forgetful shopper. They decide they want burgers for dinner, so they write "Burger Relish" on the list. However, it isn't until they added a selection of vegetables and baked beans that they then remember the main component of their meal: "Burger".

084 - French

Hurray! I now have my first French language shopping list: breakfast cereal, water, apple juice, butter, and something I can't read. However, into the breaach has stepped Dave: he suggest it may be "lessive linge", i.e. washing powder (for clothes). Thanks, Dave!

083 - Year 9 - Food Technology Empanadas

Hehe - this is a fun one. Lovingly prepared by a food technology teacher, this is a mass-photocopied sheet that has been handed out to students so they can buy their ingredients. The margin notes are location of each item in the supermarket - but the poor kid can't spell fridge. They prefer "frigh".

Sunday, June 19, 2005

082 - Batter Puds

Hmmm, evidently a southerner. They are called Yorkshire Puddings you daft shopper, not batter puds. Then again, this shopper uses such other strange terms (such as "C.Bin" and "M.Peas") that perhaps they do know the real name but are just another one to add to the weirdo pile.

Femke, however, has emailed to suggest to "C.Bin" should in fact read "C.Bis" indicating chocolate biscuits, and justifies this suggestion by pointing out that the 'person has a penchant for abbreviating the first words'.

081 - Homemade Lasagna

Alice has recently begun to make lasagne at home, and this person is evidently doing the same thing. I think they'll have trouble finding a "Preyx dish" to put it in though. They might have more luck in finding a "Pyrex" one instead.

080 - Shower for the WC

Wow, that must be a particularly filthy toilet. Whoever thought of getting a shower for your water closet? This is the kind of list I really like: seemingly "normal" until you reach the end, at which point you realise you've landed yourself yet another one for the weirdo pile.

079 - Lottery Numbers and Salad

Here is proof of the all-round of expertise of supermarkets: not only can you buy a selection of salad items, you can also buy your lottery ticket! For anyone who sees this list as on omen of things to come, the numbers chosen are: 5, 6, 22, 28, 40, 49. It could be you.

078 - Chinese Tonight

Although I think this is more factoring in for a trip to the takeaway, I wonder if this shopper is hoping for an extension of the popular "Chicken Tonight" range of cook-in sauces? I'm disheartened by the feature of "Sandwich x 2 lots" on the list. It's lazy buying sandwiches from a supermarket.

077 - Strict Chicken

Here's a shopper that likes to give clear instructions! From comments about the flavour of oranges ("NO SATSUMAS - They R'nt tasting That brill") to directions on chicken (* "CAN U KEEP THEM OUT 4 MONDAY OR TAKE OUT FREEZER MON AM" *) the writer of this list really rules the roost. Rock on!

Friday, June 17, 2005

076 - Drifters and Jerseys

Although this shopper's list is actually quite self-explanatory, I find the "alternative" messages it gives to be chucklesome. "Drifters" are, for example, purveyors of classic soul such as 'Under the Boardwalk', and "Jerseys" are things that rugby players wear. Neither can be bought from Tesco. It'd be cool if they could be, though.

075 - Indian Snacks

Quite an interesting one, this: evidently shopper with tastes from diverse cultures. "Peri-peri" rubs shoulders with "chocolate" and "popadoms" are there alongside "patatoe wedges". I love that spelling. Patatoe. It's especially interesting, as Lesley emailed me to point out, that they were capable of spelling "potatoes" correctly earlier on in the list. A case of Sudden Spelling Incapability Syndrome, I think...

074 - Shopping in the Minority

This is a weird old thing. Although I'm classing it as a shopping list, this is really a "to-do" list that just so happens to feature shopping at the bottom of it. But lucky old Teresa, eh?! She gets two lines dedicated to her, and will be receiving both a card AND a present! What a nice shopper. I'm not sure what they're going to do with "gravy hairspray" though.

073 - Common and Classy

There is the possibility that I'm wrong. Perhaps this shopper isn't classy at all. The presence of "burger cheese" proves that for a start. I am, however, giving the shopper the benefit of the doubt: they also bought salmon and wine. The wine may, of course, have been something atrocious like Ernst & Julio or Blue Nun, but I'm in the mood for being friendly.