Friday, July 29, 2005

147 - Spinning Meal

What, by the skin tone of Dale Winton, is a "Spinning Meal"? Perhaps a device to make yarn out of food...or perhaps a chicken that rotates? Indeed, does this person want a roasted chicken from a spit? And why did they go to the effort of typing a list, only to then write just as much stuff by hand afterwards? Alice wonders whether the typing was done at work while the writing was added at home. I'm not sure: I'm convinced this person simply isn't right in the head. "Dinners: Sunday Dinner" (vague), "Chicken" (crossed out, because they've realised they added it later as "spinning meal"), "Steak" (fine), "Fish" (fair enough, but what kind?), "Spinach". SPINACH? FOR DINNER? Like I said - not right in the head.

146 - Cotton Cream

I have no idea what "cotton cream" is. It sounds like either something to avoid nappy rash, or condensed milk. I'm tempted to go with the former guess, however, as the list features other baby paraphenalia: "2 bottles", "nappies No 2" and "dummy".

145 - Blue Milk, Green Milk and Girls Yoghurt

Dairy galore, oh yes! Full and half-fat milk, and this curious thing called "girls yoghurt". Is this a special type of yoghurt special formulated with balanced pH and an inclusive vanity mirror, or is it simply for the shopper's "girls". The question then is: who are these girls? Daughters? Friends? Harlots?

144 - Ready for a BIG Bender

Look at it. A night of pizza, chicken and beer...followed by a morning on the paracetamol. How much more obvious it be? I find it hilarious that "Salad" has a big X by it. I can just imagine some bachelor flatshare seeing the proposed list and thinking, 'Salad? F**k off!' and putting a big cross next to it - and drawing a circle around it, drawing attention to the ludricrous nature of the thing. Salad, indeed. Pah!

143 - Abbreviated All Over

Loads of them. Absolutely loads of abbreviations. "M. up Rem" is presumably make-up remover, "2 T/Paste" is two tubes of toothpaste. But what on earth is "S Bran"? And I've just realised that maybe "Dig Bis" are digestive biscuits, judging by their placement on this list: not a curious interpretaion of dog biscuits as I previously assumed.

142 - Service Sue

Strictly speaking this isn't a shopping list. I know - I probably shouldn't feature it here - but I have done, so tough. I like this though. It was found in a shopping trolley, alongside "141 - Pampered".

It's strange that the shopper took a hair appointment card to the supermarket with them, and abandoned it. It's even stranger that the card simply features "Sue"'s phone numbers (which I've disguised in order to stop any weirdos out there trying to call the poor woman). Perhaps it's not an appointment card at all, but simply someone noting down a friend's phone number. Is, therefore, the shopper of "Pampered" a hairdresser? Or is the shopper's name Sue? So many possibilities!

141 - Pampered

This is a list I found in the Tesco store next to the Big Brother house at Elstree studios. It strikes me from a quick look at the list that this shopper is pampering themself: "saffron" ain't cheap. Then again, that's about as far as my pampering theory goes. I was just excited(ish) to get a list from the Big Brother supermarket. Sort of.

140 - Bowels Ahoy!

Struth. Someone is either severely constipated, or they want to ensure they never will be. "Bran flakes", "Prunes" and "Small Beans". What the hell do they think they're playing at? And "Cheese" listed twice? By the beard of Zeus!

139 - Toiletries and Junk Food

This may be a list of treats, but I fear not. In that case, why do some parents insist on stuffing their offspring full of poor nutritional food? Sugar, fat and additives is what this list says to me. Oh, and "Olay bubble bath". I'm disappointed that they didn't change the 'y' in "lollys" to 'ie'. Someone wasn't paying attention to Look and Read in class...

138 - Cheese Cocktail

I don't fancy the sound of a "cheese cocktail". Now, I like cheese and I like cocktails - but it doesn't strike me to be a particularly tasty combination. This particular list has an interesting backstory to it as well. This is one of two lists that were found IN THE SAME TROLLEY! Even more spectacularly, they were in the trolley I used for some promotional photos for a feature in the magazine Collect It! which will hopefully be published in the next couple of months. Keep your eyes peeled...

137 - Gel Pen Frappé

A great example of the eclecticism of normality is shown by this list. Each and every item can be simply explained, bar the curious inclusion of "Frappé" (note the correct use of the accent on the original list) written in gel pen. Here is a shopper who has the aim of cleaning their kitchen: "Mr Muscle drain unblocker", "Kitchen orange wipes" (presumably orange scented cleaning wipes rather than wipes for cleaning oranges in your kitchen) and "cillit bang".

136 - Landscape A4

It only struck me when viewing this list that very few (if any) shoppers aling their paper landscape. I guess it's a bit unwieldly. This shopper evidently thought so: they folded the paper lengthways to make two A5-sized portrait areas for listage. I'm a fan of this appalling handwriting as makes things seem quite strange at first glance: "steel wine" and "cocanaitowm milk". I can explain both, by the way: no need to email me on this one :)

Monday, July 25, 2005

135 - Black and Blue

I'm tempted to class the blue items as emergency items, but the listing of "Yvonne" warns me not to. I doubt that anybody would need, nor indeed be able to find, an emergency Yvonne. It is, therefore, more likely that the items in blue are _for_ someone called Yvonne. Perhaps she's planning a dinner party and wants cheese and wine as dessert? It links quite well with the "gin" and "tonic" (linked by brackets). Perhaps G&T for an apperitife and cheese and wine for dessert. My, how civilised!

134 - Insight Into Retirement

The normality of this list only serves to amplify the nature of its content. A bunch of groceries are accompanied with "Alfie Denture's" and, interestingly at the top of the list, "4.20pm Dr Franto" - presumably an appointment to see the aforementioned doctor at the surgery. It's just dawned on me that there's a lot of soft items here...perhaps to help Alfie to chew as his dentures are giving him gip at the moment?

133 - Dig Biscuits and Reading

Every so often a list comes along with item after item that is worth considering. Firstly, this list's creator has needed to try two different spellings of "Bannana" and "banana" before hitting the right version. They also want some "dig biscuits" which, I can only guess, are eaten by construction workers. Then, towards the bottom of the list are what at first glance appear to be 3 different magazines...but no! Again they have listed the same item twice, but with slightly different spellings. In this case it's "Thames Valley Trader" (which was spelt correctly on the first try and then incorrected on the second).

132 - Brand Whore

It amazes me how many people in my collection are so specific about the brands of goods they buy. This one is just silly, listing far too many brands for my liking. "Cathedral City", "McCain Fry Chip", "Flash Floor Cleaner", "Yorkshire T/Bags", "Dorito's (note the poor use of apostrophe there)", "Clover Butter", "Kingsmill Thick White Loaf", "Kleenex Packets Tissues". The thing is, though, while the shopper is incredibly specific about such items they don't care what kind of "apples" they get, nor "potatos". If you have a system, shoppers, please ensure it remains constant throughout.

It's interesting that this shopper, who specifies specific brands, can't even be bothered to buy a legitimate copy of Red Hot Chili Peppers Live in Hyde Park. Scoundrel!

131 - Preparing for Indigestion

Fish and chips, followed by strawberry ice cream ("cones"). It's enough to give anyone a bit of heartburn, but fortunately this shopper is coming prepared: "Rennies Large". I should think so.

130 - Indented Organisation

Look at the bottom right corner of this list, and worship its creator. Not only has the entire list been organised into categories, but subheadings have been used below which are featured list items. The evident fruit and veg section gives way to "Salad", indented below which are "lettuce", "cuc" (presumably cucumber), "celery" and so on. "P.S." I'm guessing is potato salad. To be honest, however, I don't care if I'm wrong on this one - I'm just grateful that this person has shared their supreme organisation with us.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

129 - Lace is Gay

Invisible ink - an ingenious attempt to hide shopping list items from prying eyes! Unfortunately, invisble ink loses some of its mystery when it is revealed prior to be discovered by the Compendium. Then again, the words "Hi mum Lace Is gay" hardly fill me with a desire to know more about this shopper - although the listed items themselves are pretty intriguing: "Thread Worm", "Levnets" and a "D/Washer". Interesting!

Sunday, July 10, 2005

128 - Ossie Deodorant

Is this a brand? Or is it a specific type of deodorant exclusive to Australians? Or does it smell of ostrich? Either way, I doubt the deodorant has anything to do with the maths at the bottom. I'm curious about the shopper's checking of the double of 175 twice. What is the significance of this number? Is it some mystical representation?

127 - 1 x UHT, UHT x 1

Someone else who lists the same item twice. What's the point? It's wasting a pencil! Then again, perhaps this shopper is expecting to be holed up at home for a while. Anyone who buys "jay cloths" and "prunes" on the same trip is planning something disturbing. Still, at least they've got "proper coffee" to keep them awake...or is that the reason? Dan emailed me to say that he suspects a link between the tarragon, the "proper coffee" and the small bags: this person currently makes a living by making and selling fake marijuana to people!

126 - Ratatouille was on List

It's great that this shopper has helped the Compendium. They have had the foresight to see that their list will, inevitably, end up on this site and even let me know that "Ratatouille was on list" before they struck it off. It's good that they've still bought "Conditioner for mum", though, because it would be terrible if she went without.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

122 - Like a WW2 Ration Pack

I've just been teaching a group of students about life in Britain during WW2, and bits of this list stand out as something out of a ration pack: "can of spam", "can of corned beef" - this is the stuff a nation was fed on for 6 whole years. What on earth posesses somebody to want to eat it now?

125 - Where Shopping is a Pleasure

If shopping is such a pleasure at Publix supermarkets, why the hell did I find this list in a trolley at Tesco? Well, it's not a tricky one: Publix is a US chain and this list was found in the UK. Still, it's rather interesting to have a foreign-sourced notepad appearing in my collection. I like the way that the Publix pad gives spaces for each area of the shop, but this has been ruined by a mindless shopper who has just written their items in anywhere. I mean, poor old Publix supermarkets - they try to help people categorise but some British oik kicks it back in their face. I feel dirty just handling this defaced piece.

And how about this: the mindless shopper who doesn't use the pre-prepared categories is going on one almighty bender sometime soon. 48 bottles of champagne, 48 bottles of wine, a load of punch...and I'm guessing that Janet is picking it all up sometime in the afternoon. I want to go to that party!

124 - Specific Health Food

It amuses me how some brand names have become part of everyday language. "Hoover" instead of "vacuum cleaner" is probably the best example. I'd never have thought "Snackajacks" or "Geobars" would make the grade, though. It's interesting how this shopper is so specific about these items but is quite happy with "Steam fresh meal". Then again, like me, they might not actually know what a steam fresh meal is. It sounds like something you'd eat in a sauna.

123 - Chewing Gun

A hastily written list (or at least it would appear so) that means not all the letters are fully formed: my particular favourite here is a "chewing gun". Presumably it doubles up as a weapon and a dog toy.

Saturday, July 02, 2005

121 - (Sun PM Supper)

What relevance do the brackets have surrounding "(Sun PM supper)"? Why does this item merit such special treatment when all others have to make do with a simple dash "-"? And what is so insignificant about "salad" that it doesn't even deserve one of those? I sense favouritism.

119 - A Foreign Arial

I am always pleased to find shopping lists in other languages, and this one seems to be an Asian script, although to be honest I don't have a clue. The only thing that I can understand is "Arial" - presumably washing-up liquid?

118 - Champagne for Friday Night

Ooooh! "Champagne for Friday Night" eh? Sounds like a fancy old list, this, but the rest of the items only hint at a standard shopper. They're planning a BBQ, admittedly, so perhaps they're using the champagne there. I'd love to know what's being celebrated though.

The shopper's list continues to be a right old mix of stuff. The second side even suggests DIY, with the addition of a "blind" and "white spirit". Perhaps the champagne is to celebrate completion of a decorating challenge?