278 - Route Planner

I've often said how I would like to visit some of the shoppers whose lists I have in the Compendium. Sometimes I find their addresses on old envelopes, sometimes on business letterheads. But never before have I been given a map!

Yep, check it out: this is a map from SM1 2TR (St James Road, Sutton) to SW13 9JT, which according to www.streetmap.co.uk is St Paul's School in Hammersmith.

Now, this is interesting because a colleague has just got a new job teaching there...but it's unlikely that she was shopping at New Malden Tesco for a few random bits and bobs (presumably to make chilli con carne) which is where this list was found.

Still, at least if I ever want to visit her new place I know how to get there. If I'm starting from Sutton, that is.

277 - Fishy Father, Filthy Matricide

You don't find people referred to as "father" and "mother" very much these days. You find "father" and "mother" referred to even less on shopping lists, but that's not to say it never happens - as this list shows.

Something fishy is definitely going on here. The shopper is clearly the offspring of the "father" and "mother" mentioned here, but is buying quite shockingly different things for each of their parents.

"Fish dish for father" is fair enough. Dads like fish. But, "bleach etc washing liquid (mother)" is a bit scary. Could this be a very dirty mother who needs a bloody good clean, or is it the shopper's attempt to kill off the mother for the inheritance? After all, father gets food while mother gets bleach.

The shopper has planned this murder well (and it wouldn't be the first time a murder has been solved through the evidence of a shopping list). In addition to the bleach to poison mother, they have also got "Tissues", "loo paper" and "loo wipes" to ensure all mess is quickly and effectively cleared up along with the "Floor mop liquid". Once that's done, the "Dove hand wash" will rid the final remnants of any evidence down the drain. "White wine" to celebrate the dastardly deed, perhaps?